Snape: MwhahahahahahaSNORThahahaha. I am the Half Blood Prince and almost as cool as Voldie. Ph3ar me.
Dumbledore: You suck, Snape. D'you know that? I so almost had that snot-nosed Malfoy boy convinced he was on my side.
Boromir: Hey, Dumbly! Want to join the Dead Characters Society? It's way cool. We play parcheesi and knit the third Tuesday of the month and Next Friday is "Find Denethor's Ear" night.
Dumbledore: Ooh. I like knitting. Do you have "Find Denethor's Ear Night" ofen?
Boromir: No, he just lost it so we decided to have a group search. I think Faramir stole it, but I'm not saying anything.
Kreacher: Kreacher doesn't like nasty mudbloods. No he doesn't. And Kreacher doesn't like master either. Filthy nasty half-blooded master. Gollum.
Gollum: Yo. That's my line. And master is just short, not half-blooded. Honestly!
Frodo: Gollum, you seem to have been taking some wicked vocal classes.
Gollum: Oh indubitably. Ever since that Kreacher person showed up I decided I needed a new image and therefore I now speak a cross of gangsta and British English. It's rad.
Ron: Wazzup Gollster!!!
Gollum: Lay some skin on me Won-Won!
Creature Inside Harry: Rawr.
Ginny: Ummm... I certainly hope that wasn't directed at me.
Harry: Yeah, er sorry about that. So didn't mean it. But you're hair is so shiny...
Creature Inside Harry: RAWR!!!
Ginny: I think I'm going to hang out with Dean some more. No wonder Cho ditched you. Being possessed by Voldie I understand, but this is just too weird.
Shifty Character: Meanwhile...
JRR Tolkien: Bitch, you stole my story. I mean Inferi sitting just under the surface of a mysterious body of water? Those were my marshes you stole that from.
JKR: You just realized that? Hell, I've been stealing from you for years now. I'm surprised you didn't say anything earlier. And since your dead and everyone loves my books I get to keep doing it so there. Just wait until Dumbly comes back wearing snow white robes and leads and gets Harry to toss the horcruxes into the chasm from whence they came.
Tolkien: Grr. I guess I'll just have to live with seething at you from my coffin.
JKR: Hmmh. I am so a goddess.